Lets bring everyone up to speed....
- eatrunloveciara
- Feb 12, 2018
- 3 min read
It's probably not a good idea to write a public blog post if you're down in the dumps. It's most likely going to come out whiny. But, hey. I am not perfect & I try to always be very transparent with you guys. I'm human & I have A LOT of feelings. They're normally all over the place but it's something I'm working through.
Now that that's said... most of you who follow me on a regular basis knew I have been in a relationship the majority of 2017. I didn't make any sort of public announcement (because it wasn't necessary at the time) & really only spoke to close friends & family about the goings on of this relationship. At first I tried to ignore my feelings & hoped that I was wrong, that I actually was happy & this was something I wanted to continue in my future. It may have taken me 9 months, but I realized I no longer wanted to feel small, insignificant, & like my feelings were not valid. I broke it off right before NYE.
I started off 2018 feeling SO free. I felt brave. Completely 100% in love with myself. I could not wait to do life this year - the last year of my 20s (13 days!). I can't lie & say there haven't been times where I've felt unsure of myself - I know that's normal. I wish I could be motivating all the time. It comes in waves. I KNOW though that my future is very bright - with or without another human beside me. I KNOW I will be fine, everything is going to work out perfectly - even it doesn't turn out the way I thought or hoped it would. It will probably turn out better. I know how life works. You don't have the good times without the bad. The bad makes you a better person. It makes you stronger. It teaches you things about yourself. It shows you who you are & what you want out of life. It allows you to make choices FOR yourself - to ensure YOUR happiness. I knew that ridding myself of the dark cloud following me around would be a blessing & so far it has.
This year I want to learn to go with the flow. To live in the present moment. To have fun & be myself. To know that I am doing everything I can to be the best version of myself possible. I put so much effort into life - into relationships. Friendships. School. Work. It can get exhausting. But - I know that regardless if I'm getting any effort back from someone or something else - that my effort is worth it. Someday my effort will be noticed. Someday my effort will be returned & rewarded. This year I want to freely be myself - & love every inch of myself & know that if people choose to leave me that it is not my fault. I want to remember - & tell myself often - that I am smart. I am fun. I am beautiful. I have my life together. I have so much to offer the world.
That actually didn't come out whiny at all - it ended powerful.
"They tried to bury us - they didn't know we were seeds."
<3 C
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